Is Success just more of what you want and less of what you don’t want ?

Success is about enjoying the life you have.

Some folks  accept things as they are now and choose to enjoy what they have

Some folks attempt to change the things they dont like. They refuse to put up with things as they are and these guys try to build a different life.

Some of us do a bit of both ….

Fundamental Choice

It’s a fundamental choice about how we live our lives and yet we have met any people who were not aware they had made or were making this choice. Many of our delegates were doing what they thought they should and were not aware consciously that this choice dictates much of how we live.

Once you know its there, this choice is a big one, it’s a balancing act and not always as obvious as it seems. We don’t want to spend our lives preparing for a tomorrow that never comes but if we do a few simple things today, we can make our tomorrow a much better place….

Similarly we don’t want to spend our lives climbing a ladder to a different place only to find the place isn’t any better.

There’s something here about frying pans and fires jumping from one to another doesn’t help and yet there’s also something here about believing that better is possible for each of us.

One way to move towards more success is to redefine what success means to you.

You may be prepared to accept the idea that everything is already as it should be. Then you can choose to enjoy what is as it is and run with it. As Paul Simon says you then have No deeds to do no promises to keep……

Another way is to start with simple, small actions and thoughts that will give you more of what you want or less of what you don’t want.

Pragmatic definition of success

Some say that ultimately success is about having more of the life you really want and this boils down to having more of what you want and less of what you don’t want in your life.

If you are not happy with how things are, it’s certainly easier to start to define what you mean using these two simple criteria.

Our delegates often had no idea about what the really wanted and its not wise to make up a life to meet the objective of a course taking gradual steps to create more of what you want or like, and less of what you don’t want or like, gently opens our ideas of what we may want in our big picture. For years Self Help experts have encouraged us to set goals or have a major definite purpose or some such but for many of us we need to gently feel our way into what this is. For many of us this also changes with age and adopting a low key approach focused on more of or less of works effectively to give is a better life today without the ants that can surround a statement of our bigger purpose or outcome.

Our experience tells us that if it is right for you, as things improve, the big picture that really resonates with you will emerge.

In order to choose either one or a mixture of these two ways, we need a model of the world  that allows for this.

Simple things

You could say this is about cause and effect and its quickly possible to see simple changes that will give you different results. Small steps lead to big steps so don’t write these ideas off. In a year you want recognise your life and after all its a marathon not a sprint.

Focus your efforts with a relentless consistency and pick some simple changes to play with, such as:

• Walk every day for a month gives you more fitness and less fat.
• Eat one meal less every other day gives you less body fat.
• Stop buying a coffee every day gives you more money each week.
• Remembering five blessings every night before you sleep gives you more peace and contentment.
• Meditating for 20 minutes twice a day reduces stress.
• Calling your family every week gives you a feeling of belonging.

You can probably think of many more simple changes like these. Knowing that each action will change your tomorrow in some way encourages us to play. Focusing on change that means something to us personally gives us more discipline to do what we need to do. Especially if it’s outside our comfort zone.

Most of us know that tiny changes in direction , activity or thinking often create big differences in results.

Some people have made a life out of helping people see this a good example is Tony Robbins. Remember though that you must choose where you sit on the accept or change continuum. You cannot copy others and expect it to work completely for you –  we often see these coaches and gurus changing their own position as they get older……

To learn more about Tony’s philosophy click here.

Be careful

The last thing we want to do is build a list of extra things to be, have or do when we are already busy unless you are absolutely sure the things on our list are worth investing in.

For many of our delegates the big issue with all of this was knowing what they really wanted. If you are too busy now check out some of other posts on self management. Particularly our post on Stop Start Continue which will help you control the list of to dos or must haves….

Some were certain and couldn’t believe how others could operate day to day without knowing a destination or outcome. Others had lists but these were lists they weren’t sure of or didn’t still agree with and the final group said they had no idea.

Why would you do anything if you didn’t want what it gave you?

Your judgement about whether to do something or how much energy to give it depends on what your return is likely to be.

Without knowing what you want to be different, you could spend a lot of time doing a lot of things that take you nowhere you want to go.

“If you don’t know where you’re going any road will take you there.”   Lewis Carroll

The delegates who knew what they wanted always took some time for themselves to sit somewhere quiet and journal to get clear on this.

One way to do this is to create two columns on a piece of paper. On one column, write, ‘I want more of’ and on the other, ‘I want less of’.

Think about your life and how it is now and what changes you would love to see. Write these down in terms of more of this, less of that.

Investing 30 minutes in this exercise will pay you back many times. Doing this will give you a better idea of when and where it’s worth putting in effort.

The Monkey Challenge provides a range of tools and techniques to work out what you want as part of the 12-week relationship plan.The exercises provide guided sessions to allow you to understand what you really want (and don’y want) and they include in teh early stages this more of and less of technique.