Your Relationship with your Monkey
Like us, our Monkeys also don’t understand why things are the way they are.
For most of us growing up with our Monkey, it is hard to imagine the chatter they produce as anything other than an annoying distraction that disturbs our focus with mostly negative thoughts. Thoughts that interrupt and distract us and prevent us from following through on our plans, goals and ambitions.
It can feel like sabotage, disturbing our attempts to meditation or think cleanly.
Our reaction is understandable, we treat them as uncontrollable chatter and as a result the architect of these attempts to help, our Monkeys, feel unloved, misunderstood, and doubly determined to put us right!
As a Monkey it feels like an uphill struggle to provide help. They don’t really understand what’s going on, and, as time passes, it feels like they must work harder to keep you safe and on the right track.
- Imagine how things could change for our Monkeys if we accepted and worked on the basis that they have always been there to help.
- Imagine that we actively worked with them on this basis.
- Imagine how it would be if we took the time to inform them with how we saw things and what we were trying to do.
For you as the Monkey, imagine how much relief would you feel if your ‘friend’ took some time out to say:
‘I believe we are missing a trick. I believe you want to help me and I believe you can. Let’s work out how we can do this.’
Things can change
Over the last few years, I have worked together with my Monkey on having a better relationship together. It has made a huge difference and both of us now believe its a great way forward:
- My Monkey now knows that I think he’s helpful and can help me as long as I make it clear what I am trying to do.
- My Monkey now knows that I think it’s my fault if we haven’t spent enough time for him to be clear on this.
- I know my Monkey provides real help. Not just with ideas and suggestions but with better answers because we have different perspectives that give us more insight.
- I suspect this is how it could have been from the start if only we had both known how things could be, but we are both pleased we got there in the end!
As we have worked together, his interruptions are far fewer, more helpful, and better timed. My scores on the Relationship Survey reflect this and still continue to improve.
Interruptions still happen every now and then. Together, we understand and appreciate these interruptions. Instead of reacting with anger and frustration, we use them as opportunities to work on our relationship. We both know these interruptions indicate unresolved issues or lack of communication that we need to discuss.
I can sense his delight as our partnership continues to strengthen.
What does your Monkey think about the way you two work together?
Score your current relationship using our survey here.
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